Dear Susan: The Bachelorette, our national nightmare, begins again

Dear Susan,

Ok, the title of this post is a bit misleading. Technically, The Bachelorette doesn’t begin until Monday, but I wanted to give you a little primer and make sure you had sufficiently prepared yourself for the next 8-10 weeks of the most. Dramatic. Season. Ever.

Here’s how ABC describes the “unorthodox” first episode shenanigans:

The two stunning women will stand side by side as the limos roll up and 25 handsome men try their best to leave a lasting impression, but in a shocking twist, they’ll also be casting their votes to determine which one of these lovely ladies they will all be competing for over the course of the season.

I hate this so much. This is not completely unprecedented – they did something similar on a season of The Bachelor eons ago before they started cannibalizing previous seasons for contestants, but I didn’t watch that season. I just think it’s so stupid and I think that both Kaitlyn and Britt (but mostly Kaitlyn) deserve better.

As a refresher, here are the lucky ladies vying to actually be The Bachelorette this season.

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Dear Susan: Jimmy Kimmel takes over The Bachelor

You have to admit, boy has a nice smile.

 

Dear Susan,

Because Jimmy Kimmel has a nighttime talk show on ABC he got to ruin the greatest love story of our time (between Farmer Chris and 18 ladies) by inserting himself into the date planning process and talking about trying to have sex with all of the ladies. It was weird and gross and uncomfortable. But at the same time, he sent Chris and Kaitlyn on a date to Costco so there was that. Continue reading

Dear Susan: Farmer Chris is ABC’s The Bachelor

Ladies & Gentlemen your 2015 ABC Bachelor, FARMER CHRIS!

Ladies & Gentlemen your 2015 ABC Bachelor, FARMER CHRIS!

This is the first entry in what I’m using to get back into blogging, Dear Susan. Susan, Jenn and Phoenix are three former coworkers of mine who do not actually watch The Bachelor or Bachelorette. However, they did enjoy my Tuesday recaps so when I moved away, I wanted to keep them up as a way of keeping us connected. I don’t know why I only address the emails to Susan, but it sounds nice so I’m sticking with it. I use bad words in these posts so I apologize ahead of time if you’re sensitive to that. I really want to get back into this blog and feel like this is a good way to get started (also, I had some MAJOR formatting issues so some of this is a little wonky. It’ll be better next time). So, here it is, the inaugural Dear Susan Bachelor Post.

Dear Susan,
In honor of the premiere of what is sure to be the MOST boring season of The Bachelor (and our fallen sister, Jenn, during her time of illness) I give to you a recap of the most bloated episode in television history (THREE FUCKING HOURS OF BACHELOR NONSENSE! This is how much I love you).

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