Dear Susan: The Men Tell An Entirely Different Story

Who cares about the rest of the guys? This post is dedicated to the beautiful sunflower that is Ben Z.

Who cares about the rest of the guys? This post is dedicated to the beautiful sunflower that is Ben Z.

Dear Susan,

Last night, The Bachelorette, men “told all”. I know I’ve complained ad nauseam about how awful this season has been, but last night proved it for me. Some of the contestants came back and instead of being the caricatures that they were while vying for Kaitlyn’s love, they were down-to-earth, sweet, generous and extremely likable. Jared even shaved his gross spotty beard. If they had been allowed to show some actual gumption and passion on the show (outside of the slurping that Nick does), I may have actually been interested in watching a few of them fall for Kaitlyn. As it stands, the show did a good job of making them all seem bland and mechanical until tonight. Continue reading

Dear Susan: Three Weeks of Bachelorette Manipulation in One!

Dear Susan,

Yes, I’m about 3 weeks behind in my recaps and this is going to be a GIANT recap of the last three weeks because of that. But let’s be honest, this season has left much to be desired. The manipulation from the producers has been at an all time high and they’re not even trying to hide it this season and because of that, I haven’t felt even remotely invested in Kaitlyn’s “journey”. Part of the reason I’m having a hard time writing my recaps is that I just don’t care. The other part is that the whole show feels so much more manipulated than usual and I kind of don’t want to give into it. Anyway, here’s what’s gone down the last few weeks. (Also, no pictures because I’m super lazy) Continue reading

Dear Susan: Slut Shaming for a New Generation

Gross.

Gross.

Dear Susan,

Let’s get the end of last week out of the way real quick. Ian continued to insult Kaitlyn and she listened to it far longer than any normal person would have. He mentioned that he came on the show hoping to find the girl heartbroken by Chris Soules which is weird and gross – he’s not looking for a strong woman to be his partner. He’s looking for a damaged girl whom he can “save” from heartbreak. He finally leaves, but not before claiming that he would make the best Bachelor because he’s so “deep”. Ugh. She is totally insulted that he called her shallow and said that she was just here to make out with a lot of guys, but let’s be honest, there’s not a lot of evidence to the contrary. Nick creeped around and found her feeling a little upset and cheered her up with his tongue. Shawn spotted them and looked pretty nauseous at the sight.

Of COURSE they staged the Rose Ceremony at The Alamo.

Of COURSE they staged the Rose Ceremony at The Alamo.

Rose Ceremony “Winners”: Shawn – date rose; Nick – date rose; Ben H. – date rose; Ben Z.; Jared; Joe; JJ; Chris; Tanner

Going Home: Joshua (who screwed the pooch by not liking Nick and not being able to hide it), & Justin (who?)

This episode is super uncomfortable to recap because most of it is the disgusting sounds of Kaitlyn and Nick making out. Whoever this show has on sound effects is enjoying their job way too much. Kaitlyn and the guys travel to Dublin, Ireland because it is “the perfect place to fall in love” (as per usual). Continue reading

Dear Susan: The Bachelorette is all about the drama

Dear Susan,

I feel you, Kaitlyn.

I feel you, Kaitlyn.

This season of The Bachelorette is a mess. And not in a good way. For the 4th week in a row, tonight’s episode did not end with a rose ceremony, the previous week’s rose ceremony was overshadowed by Kaitlyn kicking out another guy, the dates were overshadowed by one man’s presence and no one is standing out as a match to Kaitlyn. I don’t know if the producers feel that these beginning weeks are too boring because there are so many guys to whittle down, but they are putting too much into the excess drama that doesn’t make me like anyone (including Kaitlyn) and not enough into showing us the romance and cheesiness the audience has come to look forward to.

Things did not end well between Clint & JJ.

Things did not end well between Clint & JJ.

So, last week we left with Kaitlyn walking outside to give Clint the ol’ heave ho. She does so in quick fashion, realizing that she doesn’t trust him and gratefully acknowledging all of the bullshit he is spewing (even when trying to defend himself, Clint talks more about how close he and JJ have gotten than how much he likes Kaitlyn and wants to see where their relationship could go). When they get back inside and Kaitlyn gives him the chance to say good-bye to the rest of the guys, JJ totally throws Clint under the bus and asks him to apologize to everyone for wasting their precious time with Kaitlyn.

Don't cry JJ. New York City is fun!

Don’t cry JJ. New York City is fun!

This does not go over well with Clint, their bromance ends in dramatic fashion and JJ ends up hitting himself with his back to the camera to try to get himself to stop crying (this is a HUGE red flag of the weirdness to come. I can feel it). When Chris Harrison comes out to tell Kaitlyn that it’s time to hand out the roses, she decides to keep everyone who’s still there around for another week. So we go from 15 guys to 14 guys and they’re all leaving the house and heading out for their trip around the world. First stop: New York City!

I am hopeful going into this NYC leg of the show that things are going to calm down and even out and Kaitlyn will go back to the episode structure of Group Date, One-On-One, Group Date, Rose Ceremony, but no such luck. Continue reading

Dear Susan: The Bachelorette, Brawls & Bragging

Kaitlyn's Men.

Kaitlyn’s Men.

Dear Susan.

The first three or so episodes of any Bachelor or Bachelorette season are always a bit overwhelming. There are too many guys who we know are going to be weeded out before we learn anything about them, the Bachelorette is trying to be nice to everyone, and the group dates are just torturous. This season doesn’t look to be too different (although we’re already seeing a spunk in Kaitlyn that other Bachelorettes have not possessed).

Are you gonna be my girl?

Are you gonna be my girl?

Before we get into Kaitlyn’s journey, let’s wrap up Britt’s. As you’ll recall last week Brady got the producers to drive him to Britt’s hotel room and was just about to knock on her door. She opened it, acted surprised, they dated for a week and then he asked her to be “his girl”. And now they’re in love. Done. (I don’t know why the producers don’t just do that for every season of this show. There’s clearly no need for 8 weeks of bullshit.)

Back to Kaitlyn.

Continue reading

Dear Susan: The Bachelorette is chosen

Dear Susan,

WHO WILL IT BEEEEEE????

WHO WILL IT BEEEEEE????

You know why I hate the producers of The Bachelor/Bachelorette? Stupid things like splitting up the premiere episode into 2 nights so that we have to wait 24 hours to find out who we will be forced to take this journey with. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Night 1 was about 2 things: meeting the men and watching them pick the Bachelorette. Before any of that happens though, Chris Harrison calls being the Bachelorette an honor and explains that they are having both women on the first night because the men who were auditioning just could’t decide who they wanted to marry. It’s still so stupid. Continue reading

Dear Susan: The Bachelor National Nightmare is Over

Dear Susan,

This photo represents the utter lack of excitement during this season of The Bachelor.

This photo represents the utter lack of excitement during this season of The Bachelor.

Last week was the “Women Tell All” special. I didn’t recap it for you because a) the women did not tell all – they mostly spent their time crying, complaining about what someone else said, and accepting apologies – which means that it was also b) BORING. I cannot thing of one thing that I would tell you about it so we’ll just move on to last night’s 3 hour finale extravaganza.

Not even all the kissing can make me think this season was interesting.

Not even all the kissing can make me think this season was interesting.

Despite how boring this season has been, I found myself really into last night’s episode. I’ll tell you one thing, The Bachelor editors are pretty good at their jobs. They made Becca, the most on-the-fence person to ever be on this show, seem riveting. However, as I go through my notes, I am realizing that once again, this season with Farmer Chris was just incredibly boring. Continue reading

Dear Susan: The Bachelor goes on (really boring) Hometown Dates!

Dear Susan,

I am losing my mind with so much back-to-back Bachelor and starting to see things. Please send help.

We really didn't see anything of this date with Becca. I mean, I know there's lots of drama to pack in, but from the looks of it, all Becca and Chris did was sit on the couch holding hands.

We really didn’t see anything of this date with Becca. I mean, I know there’s lots of drama to pack in, but from the looks of it, all Becca and Chris did was sit on the couch holding hands.

Monday’s episode starts with Chris’ 4th date in Iowa, a one-on-one with Becca. They literally just go to his rented loft and sit around and chat. It’s really low key which is great, but the producers spent like 2 minutes on it during the show. The big news here is that Becca tells Chris she’s never been in love (she is 25 and also a virgin if you remember) despite a 4 year on and off relationship. He doesn’t seem too concerned – in fact, I think he likes how slow they’re taking things. She got one-on-one dates in back-to-back episodes so there must be something that’s keeping him coming back for more. Continue reading

Dear Susan: The Bachelor gets CRAY

Dear Susan,

This season of The Bachelor seems to be vying for the title of craziest women. While there are a handful of ladies who seem moderately appropriate for Farmer Chris, for the most part, they are all coming off as completely insane. While Ashley S. (she of the crazy eyes and garbled speech) left last week with barely a peep, I don’t think we’re going to be so lucky with the remanning weirdos.

Oh Megan. You are a treasure.

Oh Megan. You are a treasure.

On Monday night we entered the travelogue portion of the show. My mom loves this part of the season because she gets to vicariously visit a whole bunch of places without having to pay for it. Bachelor Chris loves this part of the season because he finally knows exactly what to say: “[Insert Place] really feels like the perfect place to fall in love”. No joke, if you look back at every season where they traveled, this line gets said at least a few times about a few different places. The first stop on The Bachelor world tour is Santa Fe, New Mexico. I love New Mexico. I’ve only been there once for a commercial shoot but it was gorgeous in a way I’d never experienced before. The best part of the fact that they are in New Mexico is that we get to see how truly stupid Megan is: she’s very excited that they’re leaving the country (yup).  Continue reading

Dear Susan: The Bachelor is not shy with his kisses

Dear Susan,

The journey to love is fraught with peril.

The journey to love is fraught with peril.

First of all, I was wrong. Crazy cruise ship singer (with the pink, hand-held karaoke machine) DID get a rose. Apparently I have to pay closer attention now. *Photo at right is not her.

Secondly, I don’t think I mentioned this last week, but at the end of the last episode one of the women who didn’t get a rose (Kimberly, 28 years old, Yoga Instructor) turned around during her exit interview and walked back into the house to interrupt Chris and the 22 women he did give roses to. She asked him for a second chance, claiming that she really feels strongly about him and feels like they didn’t even have a first chance to talk. I think that is really admirable on one hand because that takes guts, but also kind of lame because dude, suck it up, you didn’t get a rose. That’s the way life goes. Move on. Chris is a sucker and gives her a second chance to get to know him and of course all of the other women are pissed (because this season of women seem particularly possessive this early on).

So, 23 girls. This season is going to take FOREVER. Continue reading