Dear Susan: Slut Shaming for a New Generation

Gross.

Gross.

Dear Susan,

Let’s get the end of last week out of the way real quick. Ian continued to insult Kaitlyn and she listened to it far longer than any normal person would have. He mentioned that he came on the show hoping to find the girl heartbroken by Chris Soules which is weird and gross – he’s not looking for a strong woman to be his partner. He’s looking for a damaged girl whom he can “save” from heartbreak. He finally leaves, but not before claiming that he would make the best Bachelor because he’s so “deep”. Ugh. She is totally insulted that he called her shallow and said that she was just here to make out with a lot of guys, but let’s be honest, there’s not a lot of evidence to the contrary. Nick creeped around and found her feeling a little upset and cheered her up with his tongue. Shawn spotted them and looked pretty nauseous at the sight.

Of COURSE they staged the Rose Ceremony at The Alamo.

Of COURSE they staged the Rose Ceremony at The Alamo.

Rose Ceremony “Winners”: Shawn – date rose; Nick – date rose; Ben H. – date rose; Ben Z.; Jared; Joe; JJ; Chris; Tanner

Going Home: Joshua (who screwed the pooch by not liking Nick and not being able to hide it), & Justin (who?)

This episode is super uncomfortable to recap because most of it is the disgusting sounds of Kaitlyn and Nick making out. Whoever this show has on sound effects is enjoying their job way too much. Kaitlyn and the guys travel to Dublin, Ireland because it is “the perfect place to fall in love” (as per usual).

See, if this was ANYONE besides Nick, this would be adorable.

See, if this was ANYONE besides Nick, this would be adorable.

One-on-One: Nick

Kaitlyn awkwardly announces the first one-on-one while all of the guys are sitting in the room with her. She’s so excited and she seems to want the other guys to be excited for her, but they are still distrustful of Nick and I think they can probably also see the sexual tension between Kaitlyn and Nick which is really unappealing. Also, Nick is obnoxious and says that there are two shows going on right now, The Bachelorette and the “Shawn hates Nick show” – dude, no one is watching that show except you.

Ew

Ew

They walk around like idiots and then end up at a church where they spend the entire dinner making out and talking about how much they want each other. Things get heated. I don’t want to go into too much detail about what we see because I’ve already been blinded by the sight of Nick and Kaitlyn rudely slurping all over each other throughout Dublin. But Kaitlyn gets all hot and bothered by the making out and decides to invite Nick back to her hotel room. She gets really really caught up when she’s with Nick and I can imagine that that feels pretty good in the moment, but it’s going to bite her in the ass when she has to face the other guys. If your feelings for one guy are that strong, it seems gross to lead the rest of the guys on just because of the show. The cameras follow them into her suite and politely sit outside her bedroom door while she and Nick have sex. Yup. They actually have sex before the Fantasy Suite – horror of horrors!

Blech

Blech

Look, I don’t have a problem with her sleeping with Nick before the Fantasy Suite. That’s not the problem here. The problem is the way that the producers have handled this. There have been rumors of sex before the Fantasy Suite FOR YEARS on The Bachelor but the audience hasn’t seen hide nor hair of that. But the first time a woman takes control of her relationship and goes with her instincts it’s the focus of an entire episode. That is slut-shaming. I am not shaming her for sleeping with Nick (although GROSS). I am shaming the producers for showing it and for focusing on making her feel badly about it. You know that the morning after, the producers hammered her for sleeping with someone when she is still in relationships with 8 other guys. She seems to feel really guilty for the possibility that she could be hurting the other men with her actions but to her credit, doesn’t seem to regret sleeping with Nick (although, she totally should because GROSS).

Just boys sitting around gossiping as usual.

Just boys sitting around gossiping as usual.

Also, the whole sex scene is interspersed with a conversation between Shawn and Jared about how much they distrust Nick and how much they trust Kaitlyn. Shawn and Jared could be seen as the other “frontrunners” so this is a pretty important conversation. They seem to put a lot of the onus on Nick for whatever happens between him and Kaitlyn which is part of it, but not the whole of it. Kaitlyn is part of this and she doesn’t shirk her part of it, but she is the whole of her other relationships. And it does seem disrespectful of her other relationships to sleep with Nick, but that doesn’t make it “wrong”. However, it also doesn’t change the fact that sleeping with Nick is gross.

I don't think this is the face of someone who is pleased with what happened the night before.

I don’t think this is the face of someone who is pleased with what happened the night before.

The morning after, Nick looks like the cat who ate the canary while describing his date with Kaitlyn and the audience can totally tell he’s dying to tell EVERYONE that he slept with her. On the other hand, Kaitlyn is praying that Nick is keeping his big mouth shut because it’s bad enough that she slept with him while dating the rest of the guys, the last thing she needs is for him to spill the beans before she has a chance to deal with it.

I think we could all use a little tipple watching this show.

I think we could all use a little tipple watching this show.

Group Date: Shawn, Tanner, Ben Z., Chris, Ben H., Jared (which means we’ll get a two-on-one date with JJ and Joe)

The date is a little odd, but turns out to be pretty cool. The guys attend a traditional Irish wake for Kaitlyn. She lays in a coffin and they stand around her saying limericks/toasts/songs/odes to how much they like her. In general, the toasts are hysterical and teasing and give Kaitlyn a chance to just laugh her ass off. Ben Z. sends all the guys out of the room and gives her a heartfelt and sweet eulogy that reminds us of his mother’s passing. There were a few references to all the guys as her “boyfriends” which is pretty self-aware of all of them. This group of guys are good sports and I do think it’s too bad that Nick came into the mix because he has a creepy vibe that brings everyone down. Then they dance a jig and drink a lot of beer in the Guinness factory.

Someone is not happy with the turn of events.

Someone is not happy with the turn of events.

Shawn is having an increasingly hard time with the whole concept of sharing Kaitlyn. There’s one every season who really likes the Bachelor/Bachelorette, but can’t handle the show’s concept. If they had met under “normal” circumstances, their relationship would have a much better shot, but not getting to get away from the cameras or stop thinking yourself in circles can really get in the way of any budding relationships. After their conversation, Shawn feels confident that he’ll get the rose, but she gives it to Jared and Shawn just goes spinning. He’s looking for validation from the rose that she’s not giving to him.

Making out in front of The Cranberries seems really disrespectful

Making out in front of The Cranberries seems really disrespectful

Jared and Kaitlyn head off to a private concert by the EFFING CRANBERRIES in a huge cathedral which is insane. The rest of the guys sit around super disappointed, but none more-so than Shawn which everyone recognizes. He’s just really struggling with the whole thing and feeling like he’s not going to make it. Apparently, they had some off-camera time together after their date in San Antonio during which she told him he was “it” and by not giving him the rose, Kaitlyn is ruining everything (per Shawn). When he leaves, he heads straight for Kaitlyn’s room. She immediately thinks he’s there to confront her about sleeping with Nick and is super upset that Shawn might leave because of that. And frankly, I will be surprised if he doesn’t leave. Not because she slept with Nick, but because she led him to believe that their relationship was important and in his eyes, sleeping with Nick diminishes that.

My feelings exactly.

My feelings exactly.

This show is a fucking mess. They are not giving the audience the romantic fairytale that we were promised. They have turned a charming, charismatic woman into a drama queen. Instead of focusing on two people falling in love, the producers have decided to focus on a bunch of insecure men trying to get their 15 minutes of fame. The cliffhanger episodes every week feel shady and manipulative and ultimately lead nowhere. Someone on this show needs to take a step back and reboot. Because this season is a disaster. There is no way in hell that Kaitlyn ends up in a real relationship with any of these guys. And if she does, shame on the producers for focussing on bullshit drama instead of the love story.

More drama next week.

xo

d

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