Dear Susan: The Bachelorette is chosen

Dear Susan,

WHO WILL IT BEEEEEE????

WHO WILL IT BEEEEEE????

You know why I hate the producers of The Bachelor/Bachelorette? Stupid things like splitting up the premiere episode into 2 nights so that we have to wait 24 hours to find out who we will be forced to take this journey with. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Night 1 was about 2 things: meeting the men and watching them pick the Bachelorette. Before any of that happens though, Chris Harrison calls being the Bachelorette an honor and explains that they are having both women on the first night because the men who were auditioning just could’t decide who they wanted to marry. It’s still so stupid.

Chris Harrison sends the girls to the wolves.

Chris Harrison sends the girls to the wolves. Standing a million feet apart.

It doesn’t get any less stupid once the limos start arriving to introduce the men. Britt & Kaitlyn stand about 8 feet apart on the driveway and one at a time, each guy must decide who they are going to talk to first. The smart guys (in my opinion) ended up drawing both women to them to talk to them at the same time. Britt is extremely positive throughout the whole process while Kaitlyn is basically holding back vomit because she’s so nervous.

Nope. Nothing awkward here.

Nope. Nothing awkward here.

Important first introduction information:

– 10 guys introduced themselves to Britt first, 12 introduced themselves to Kaitlyn first and 3 I didn’t catch.

– 5 guys gave Kaitlyn presents. My favorite was JJ who gave Kaitlyn a hockey puck while declaring “I want to puck you” which totally cracked Kaitlyn up because OF COURSE that would make she of the “You can plow my fields any day” opening line (to Farmer Chris) laugh. 1 guy (Tanner) gave Britt a present. It was tissues. Because she cries all the time. She was actually pretty offended and called him out on being a little bit of a dick in their one-on-one time.

Tell me, Healer Tony, How the hell did YOU get a black eye?

Tell me, Healer Tony, How the hell did YOU get a black eye?

– Tony (the healer) showed up with a black eye which no one commented on which was so weird. Secondly, he walked up to Britt and said “I’ve been waiting for this moment for a while. I believe in love, real love and I hope that the universe provides” which she (obviously) falls for until he walks over to Kaitlyn and says the EXACT SAME THING word for word. Incredible. (Oh, did I not mention that the girls can hear each other’s interactions with each guy? Yeah, not awkward at all)

Hey, at least he saved the beer.

Hey, at least he saved the beer.

– 2 guys left before the Rose Ceremony. Ryan M. (the Junkyard Specialist) was asked to leave by Chris Harrison because he got way too drunk, was berating the other guys, grabbed Kaitlyn’s ass and then threatened a guy with rape. I was not sad to see him go. Brady (the Nashville Singer/Songwriter) left after the Bachelorette was chosen because his heart was with the other girl. More on him later.

 

This is Shawn E's "Carpool De Ville"

This is Shawn E’s “Carpool De Ville”

– 2 alternative modes of transportation: Shawn E. drove up in a “car pool” (ha ha, get it?) but is interrupted by Ryan M.’s drunkenness. Chris (the dentist) drove up in a cupcake and was ADORABLE.

IT'S A CUPCAKE CAR!!! DRIVEN BY A DENTIST!!!

IT’S A CUPCAKE CAR!!! DRIVEN BY A DENTIST!!!

 

– In the middle of the limo introductions, Kaitlyn runs inside to say hi to all the guys and tell them that they’re killing it while Britt stands outside and pouts about how “unfair” it is that Kaitlyn took that extra time. It was literally 10 extra seconds. Get over it.

The problem for me this first night is that because we don’t know who the Bachelorette is, I can’t really judge the guys unless they say who they are voting for. Because there are guys that I think would be a good match with Britt (Tony) and then there are guys that I think would be a better match with Kaitlyn (Shawn B.), but there are very few guys who I think would be a good match for either/or.

Kaitlyn brings all the boys to the yard

Kaitlyn brings all the boys to the yard

So, I’m going to skip over this problem by telling you that on night 2 we find out that KAITLYN IS THE BACHELORETTE!!! This season MAY be tolerable. The truth is, I find Kaitlyn to be completely relatable. She seems down to Earth. One of the guys actually called Britt “Disney Princess” which perfectly describes her whole vibe. Throughout this first night, despite her nervousness, Kaitlyn just seemed like more fun. Britt was so “sincere” (read: kind of syrupy and fake) and dramatic about the whole thing. When they walked into the room after all of the guys had arrived, Kaitlyn told a joke and Britt “spoke from the heart” which Britt says shows how seriously she’s taking this vs. Kaitlyn. Also, it was clear that Britt hadn’t really even considered the possibility that she might not actually end up as The Bachelorette while Kaitlyn seemed a bit more humble about it.

Britt reacts to the news that she is NOT the Bachelorette.

Britt reacts to the news that she is NOT the Bachelorette.

 

Credit where credit’s due, Britt actually handles this rejection fairly well. She doesn’t get hysterical and leaves without turning on the waterworks. That comes later. And the tears seemed forced, but Britt wouldn’t be Britt without a few tears.

After Chris tells Kaitlyn that the guys chose her to be The Bachelorette, she takes a few moments to compose herself and call her mom who is pretty excited for her. She was super adorable when Chris told her and asked about how Britt handled the news which was impressive to me. I also feel like we got a little peek into the father/daughter relationship that we are going to get between Kaitlyn and Chris Harrison which could be great. I think the best part of this whole thing is Kaitlyn’s reaction to the fact that she still has to send guys home!

Bachelorette2015_Kaitlyn_Reactions_ep1I was really curious about how the guys were going to react when she walked in the room. I mean, there were definitely guys who were not into Kaitlyn during the introduction phase of Night 1. In the end, the reaction of the guys is a little bit of a mixed bag. Obviously the guys who voted for her are more enthusiastic than those who didn’t, but they are all super respectful. They get one more chance to chat with Kaitlyn and convince her to keep them on the show.

How cute is Ian!??!!

How cute is Ian!??!!

Ian is the first to grab her and he’s been all-in on Kaitlyn since the start. I like him a lot. There is a first impression rose which, in addition to picking The Bachelorette and going through a normal rose ceremony, seems like a lot for the first night. During this part of the night, we see a few guys who were really excited about Britt debating whether or not they are going to stay for Kaitlyn. Tony and Brady are having the most difficult time with the news. Chris (the dentist) is adorable and goes in for the first kiss. A bunch of the other dudes see this and immediately tell everyone else because the truth is that guys are WAY more gossipy about this shit than women. Kaitlyn gave the first impression rose to Shawn B who also gets in a kiss which Kaitlyn says gave her butterflies.

The first toast of the season

The first toast of the season

Roses: Shawn B. (1st Impression Rose), Chris (the dentist), Ben H., JJ, Joe, Kupah (who voted for Britt and actually admitted that he was looking for a trophy wife, not a good wife. So yeah, we kind of hate him), Daniel (also voted for Britt), Ryan B., Joshua, Tony (voted for Britt. I was actually surprised that he stuck around since he seemed so into her), Clint, Corey, Jonathan (another vote for Britt), Cory, Ben Z., Tanner, Ian, Justin, Jared (who even TOLD Kaitlyn that he voted for Britt. He is also “Loveman”. He could not go home soon enough)*

Side note, it is totally daylight when the guys finally leave the rose ceremony. I cannot even imagine how exhausted all of these people are.

Side note, it is totally daylight when the guys finally leave the rose ceremony. I cannot even imagine how exhausted all of these people are.

No Roses: Ryan M. (who was sent home because he was Drunky McDrunkerson), Bradley (WHO?), Brady (who left in the middle of the rose ceremony because his heart was with Britt. He actually got Chris Harrison to get him a ride to Britt’s hotel room, but we didn’t get to see her reaction, but good on him for following his heart. Maybe we’ll have a little mini-bachelorette of the two of them getting to know each other. I also want to say that I’m relieved we don’t have to be tortured with any of his original songs this season), David (WHO?), Josh (the exotic dancer who super grossed out both women during his limo intro), Shawn E. (he of the “car pool”).

My vote for future WHO? recipients: Daniel, Clint, & Cory

That was kind of my same reaction to finding out Kaitlyn is this season's Bachelorette.

That was kind of my same reaction to finding out Kaitlyn is this season’s Bachelorette.

The previews for the rest of the season are kind of crazy. Kaitlyn looks like she will be a lot of fun but we are also shown a scene where she has sex with one of the guys BEFORE the fantasy suite dates and tells the rest of the guys still in the running. This is fascinating to me and I’m really interested to see how it plays out. The reaction we’re shown is of her crying because she feels badly for going so far with one guy while she’s still building relationships with other people but trying to not feel ashamed of what she did. Again, I think that Kaitlyn is going to be super relatable this season and I’m actually looking forward to seeing how this all plays out for her.

xoxo

D

*I only mentioned the guys who I know FOR SURE voted for Britt. There could have been more but the editors chose to make that ambiguous.

 

 

 

 

 

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