Dear Susan: The Bachelor goes on (really boring) Hometown Dates!

Dear Susan,

I am losing my mind with so much back-to-back Bachelor and starting to see things. Please send help.

We really didn't see anything of this date with Becca. I mean, I know there's lots of drama to pack in, but from the looks of it, all Becca and Chris did was sit on the couch holding hands.

We really didn’t see anything of this date with Becca. I mean, I know there’s lots of drama to pack in, but from the looks of it, all Becca and Chris did was sit on the couch holding hands.

Monday’s episode starts with Chris’ 4th date in Iowa, a one-on-one with Becca. They literally just go to his rented loft and sit around and chat. It’s really low key which is great, but the producers spent like 2 minutes on it during the show. The big news here is that Becca tells Chris she’s never been in love (she is 25 and also a virgin if you remember) despite a 4 year on and off relationship. He doesn’t seem too concerned – in fact, I think he likes how slow they’re taking things. She got one-on-one dates in back-to-back episodes so there must be something that’s keeping him coming back for more.

Britt takes one last stab at convincing Chris to pick her (although if you ask her, this was just a preamble to her leaving by her own choice)

Britt takes one last stab at convincing Chris to pick her (although if you ask her, this was just a preamble to her leaving by her own choice)

While Becca and Chris are on their date, the rest of the girls sit around and talk about Britt’s meltdown on the group date. She walks in and tells them that she’s packed her bags with the intention of leaving before the rose ceremony, but by the time the conversation is over (and they’ve called her out on the fact that she really just wants Chris to beg her to stay and prove that he loves her the most) she has decided to stay until the rose ceremony and tell Chris at the cocktail party.

So many tears. So much phoniness.

So many tears. So much phoniness.

Basically, girl is not here for the right reasons and she’s realized that Chris is cooling on her so she wants to save face by being the one who leaves instead of not receiving a rose. Since there’s no cocktail party before the rose ceremony, Britt stops Chris before he gets started and pulls him away to ostensibly to tell him that she’s decided to leave. Only, once she starts talking, it becomes clear that what she really wants is to get confirmation from him that he wants her to stay. Only he doesn’t so he sends her packing (it’s really quite amazing to watch him finally “get it”). Then she stands outside and sobs dramatically. Methinks someone wants to be-ith the Bachelorette.

When we finally get to the rose ceremony, Chris keeps Kaitlyn, Whitney, Becca and Jade which means that Carly is not getting a hometown date. I’m not surprised – she seems to have entered the friend-zone with him and in truth is kind of bitchy when it comes to the other women (not that I didn’t fully enjoy her bitchiness).

I thought the girls got a stylist while on the show, but no one would suggest ANYONE wear that hideous top.

I thought the girls got a stylist while on the show, but no one would suggest ANYONE wear that hideous top.

Date #1: Shreveport, LA with Becca

The most important thing about Chris’ time with Becca in Shreveport is that she’s wearing the most hideous shirt in creation. The second most important thing is that Becca’s family just cannot seem to comprehend that she’s a grown woman who may actually have met a boy she likes enough to hold hands with at the dinner table. Her sister tells Chris that Becca’s not an intimate person (which, how would she really know? I mean, sex isn’t the only activity that qualifies you as an intimate or affectionate person. Right? (I’m asking for a friend)) and her mom is sweetly protective. Chris seems to be a little taken aback at how shocked Becca’s family is about the level of their relationship but says “It would be really great to be the guy that Becca’s been waiting for” which is actually kind of a lovely thought. They end their date on the ferris wheel at the state fair and Becca seems to finally be starting to fall for him.

Chris' interest in Whitney's career was really cute and sweet. But I don't understand the point of wearing those hats if you're gonna let all that hair hang out.

Chris’ interest in Whitney’s career was really cute and sweet. But I don’t understand the point of wearing those hats if you’re gonna let all that hair hang out.

Date #2: Chicago, IL with Whitney

Whitney gives Chris a tour of her life in Chicago and shows him where she works and what she does as a fertility nurse. He seems, rightfully, impressed with her career and how professional she is. Before they have dinner with her family, Chris asks who he should ask for their blessing if he chooses to propose to Whitney which is old fashioned but some girls (AKA Whitney) like that kind of thing. Whitney’s sister seems practical and protective. She asks Whitney if she can really see herself moving to Iowa and when Chris asks for her blessing, she tells him to call her when he knows that Whitney is THE ONE and not ONE OF FOUR. That’s pretty rad. After dinner, they go to her apartment and she wins the award for 1st person to tell him she’s in love with him.

Kaitlin's billboard. Pretty much as boring as the rest of her hometown date.

Kaitlin’s billboard. Pretty much as boring as the rest of her hometown date.

Date #3: Phoenix, AZ with Kaitlyn,

I don’t remember a single thing about this hometown date. It was so boring. While I think that Kaitlyn seems great and fun and nice, I just don’t take her seriously as a prospect for Chris. There seems to be a disconnect between the way they look at each other and their actual conversations. Anyway, she made him this billboard:

Chris' face as he learns of Jade's Playboy past.

Chris’ face as he learns of Jade’s Playboy past.

Date #4: Omaha, NE with Jade

This date is actually kind of interesting. Jade is on a mission to tell him about her Playboy secret and the rest of her family is on a mission to tell Chris that she may not have been entirely up front about who she really is. Her brother even calls her a “wild mustang” that may not be able to settle down in Iowa. When they’re alone, she gets up the nerve to tell him about Playboy and then offers to show him the pictures (and VIDEO). She seems really scared about his reaction but he deals with it well saying it doesn’t change who she is to him. But here’s the thing, it sort of does. I have no problem with her posing for Playboy – you do you girl – but up until this point she’s been very quiet and shy and innocent and this history is really contrary to that. I understand that people change and maybe she’s settled down as she’s grown up, but I find it odd that she had this apparently really wild, rebellious past that she hasn’t brought up to him once. And I think he should be a bit more concerned about that and not about the fact that her naked body is all over the internet.

The saddest album cover for the single "Waiting for my shared-boyfriend to give me a rose" by the ABC-ettes

The saddest album cover for the single “Waiting for my shared-boyfriend to give me a rose” by the ABC-ettes

At the rose ceremony, Chris sends Jade home claiming that his relationships with the other women are moving faster than theirs and reassures her that not giving her a rose had nothing to do with the Playboy thing. I believe that he’s fine with the fact that she did Playboy, but I sort of hope the real reason he sent her home is because he realized that he doesn’t know her at all.

In the end tag, we get like 2 minutes of Whitney’s dog humping her toy animal while Whitney and Chris try to have a serious conversation. It feels appropriate to end on that note somehow.

Next week: THE FANTASY SUITE!

xo

D

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