Dear Susan: The Men Tell An Entirely Different Story

Who cares about the rest of the guys? This post is dedicated to the beautiful sunflower that is Ben Z.

Who cares about the rest of the guys? This post is dedicated to the beautiful sunflower that is Ben Z.

Dear Susan,

Last night, The Bachelorette, men “told all”. I know I’ve complained ad nauseam about how awful this season has been, but last night proved it for me. Some of the contestants came back and instead of being the caricatures that they were while vying for Kaitlyn’s love, they were down-to-earth, sweet, generous and extremely likable. Jared even shaved his gross spotty beard. If they had been allowed to show some actual gumption and passion on the show (outside of the slurping that Nick does), I may have actually been interested in watching a few of them fall for Kaitlyn. As it stands, the show did a good job of making them all seem bland and mechanical until tonight. Continue reading

Dear Susan: Three Weeks of Bachelorette Manipulation in One!

Dear Susan,

Yes, I’m about 3 weeks behind in my recaps and this is going to be a GIANT recap of the last three weeks because of that. But let’s be honest, this season has left much to be desired. The manipulation from the producers has been at an all time high and they’re not even trying to hide it this season and because of that, I haven’t felt even remotely invested in Kaitlyn’s “journey”. Part of the reason I’m having a hard time writing my recaps is that I just don’t care. The other part is that the whole show feels so much more manipulated than usual and I kind of don’t want to give into it. Anyway, here’s what’s gone down the last few weeks. (Also, no pictures because I’m super lazy) Continue reading

Dear Susan: Slut Shaming for a New Generation

Gross.

Gross.

Dear Susan,

Let’s get the end of last week out of the way real quick. Ian continued to insult Kaitlyn and she listened to it far longer than any normal person would have. He mentioned that he came on the show hoping to find the girl heartbroken by Chris Soules which is weird and gross – he’s not looking for a strong woman to be his partner. He’s looking for a damaged girl whom he can “save” from heartbreak. He finally leaves, but not before claiming that he would make the best Bachelor because he’s so “deep”. Ugh. She is totally insulted that he called her shallow and said that she was just here to make out with a lot of guys, but let’s be honest, there’s not a lot of evidence to the contrary. Nick creeped around and found her feeling a little upset and cheered her up with his tongue. Shawn spotted them and looked pretty nauseous at the sight.

Of COURSE they staged the Rose Ceremony at The Alamo.

Of COURSE they staged the Rose Ceremony at The Alamo.

Rose Ceremony “Winners”: Shawn – date rose; Nick – date rose; Ben H. – date rose; Ben Z.; Jared; Joe; JJ; Chris; Tanner

Going Home: Joshua (who screwed the pooch by not liking Nick and not being able to hide it), & Justin (who?)

This episode is super uncomfortable to recap because most of it is the disgusting sounds of Kaitlyn and Nick making out. Whoever this show has on sound effects is enjoying their job way too much. Kaitlyn and the guys travel to Dublin, Ireland because it is “the perfect place to fall in love” (as per usual). Continue reading

Dear Susan: The Bachelorette is an exercise in patience

This is how I feel about the continued use of the B.S. non-rose ceremony episode endings.

This is how I feel about the continued use of the B.S. non-rose ceremony episode endings.

Dear Susan,

This blog is becoming a litany of complaints about cliffhanger endings because here we are again and not only are we recovering from last week’s cliffhanger waiting for Nick to arrive at the guys’ hotel suite, but we are left with ANOTHER effing cliffhanger and ANOTHER week without a rose ceremony. The cliffhanger ending is an editing trick designed to keep viewers coming back for more. Typically, it is used sparingly during a season, but not on The Bachelorette. So far this season, only ONE episode has ended without a cliffhanger – the second episode. And it’s becoming tedious. I don’t think it works for this franchise. It makes me angry and frustrated and leaves me very unsatisfied (just like every man I’ve ever encountered, natch). Continue reading

Dear Susan: The Bachelorette is all about the drama

Dear Susan,

I feel you, Kaitlyn.

I feel you, Kaitlyn.

This season of The Bachelorette is a mess. And not in a good way. For the 4th week in a row, tonight’s episode did not end with a rose ceremony, the previous week’s rose ceremony was overshadowed by Kaitlyn kicking out another guy, the dates were overshadowed by one man’s presence and no one is standing out as a match to Kaitlyn. I don’t know if the producers feel that these beginning weeks are too boring because there are so many guys to whittle down, but they are putting too much into the excess drama that doesn’t make me like anyone (including Kaitlyn) and not enough into showing us the romance and cheesiness the audience has come to look forward to.

Things did not end well between Clint & JJ.

Things did not end well between Clint & JJ.

So, last week we left with Kaitlyn walking outside to give Clint the ol’ heave ho. She does so in quick fashion, realizing that she doesn’t trust him and gratefully acknowledging all of the bullshit he is spewing (even when trying to defend himself, Clint talks more about how close he and JJ have gotten than how much he likes Kaitlyn and wants to see where their relationship could go). When they get back inside and Kaitlyn gives him the chance to say good-bye to the rest of the guys, JJ totally throws Clint under the bus and asks him to apologize to everyone for wasting their precious time with Kaitlyn.

Don't cry JJ. New York City is fun!

Don’t cry JJ. New York City is fun!

This does not go over well with Clint, their bromance ends in dramatic fashion and JJ ends up hitting himself with his back to the camera to try to get himself to stop crying (this is a HUGE red flag of the weirdness to come. I can feel it). When Chris Harrison comes out to tell Kaitlyn that it’s time to hand out the roses, she decides to keep everyone who’s still there around for another week. So we go from 15 guys to 14 guys and they’re all leaving the house and heading out for their trip around the world. First stop: New York City!

I am hopeful going into this NYC leg of the show that things are going to calm down and even out and Kaitlyn will go back to the episode structure of Group Date, One-On-One, Group Date, Rose Ceremony, but no such luck. Continue reading

Dear Susan: Bringing in the Big Boys

Tee Hee

Tee Hee

Dear Susan,

The “to be continued” B.S. from last week is tied up in a nice bow pretty quickly. Kaitlyn confronts Kupah. He backs down because he’s embarrassed that she called him out. When she leaves he tries to play it off to the camera and protect his ego by doing the whole “I don’t even like her” “She must have Chlamidia” “I’ve been dissed by uglier girls” crap. But Kaitlyn is over it. NEXT.

One more of the sumo wrestlers because they were by far the best part of this episode.

One more of the sumo wrestlers because they were by far the best part of this episode.

Before handing out the roses, Kaitlyn brings all the guys together and lets them know that if they’re ever in a situation that makes them uncomfortable they should just speak up and let her know. This is going to become important later in the episode. And finally, Rose Ceremony The Second (TM Joshua) takes place. Here’s where we stand: Continue reading

Dear Susan: The Bachelorette, Brawls & Bragging

Kaitlyn's Men.

Kaitlyn’s Men.

Dear Susan.

The first three or so episodes of any Bachelor or Bachelorette season are always a bit overwhelming. There are too many guys who we know are going to be weeded out before we learn anything about them, the Bachelorette is trying to be nice to everyone, and the group dates are just torturous. This season doesn’t look to be too different (although we’re already seeing a spunk in Kaitlyn that other Bachelorettes have not possessed).

Are you gonna be my girl?

Are you gonna be my girl?

Before we get into Kaitlyn’s journey, let’s wrap up Britt’s. As you’ll recall last week Brady got the producers to drive him to Britt’s hotel room and was just about to knock on her door. She opened it, acted surprised, they dated for a week and then he asked her to be “his girl”. And now they’re in love. Done. (I don’t know why the producers don’t just do that for every season of this show. There’s clearly no need for 8 weeks of bullshit.)

Back to Kaitlyn.

Continue reading

Dear Susan: The Bachelorette is chosen

Dear Susan,

WHO WILL IT BEEEEEE????

WHO WILL IT BEEEEEE????

You know why I hate the producers of The Bachelor/Bachelorette? Stupid things like splitting up the premiere episode into 2 nights so that we have to wait 24 hours to find out who we will be forced to take this journey with. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Night 1 was about 2 things: meeting the men and watching them pick the Bachelorette. Before any of that happens though, Chris Harrison calls being the Bachelorette an honor and explains that they are having both women on the first night because the men who were auditioning just could’t decide who they wanted to marry. It’s still so stupid. Continue reading

Dear Susan: The Bachelorette, our national nightmare, begins again

Dear Susan,

Ok, the title of this post is a bit misleading. Technically, The Bachelorette doesn’t begin until Monday, but I wanted to give you a little primer and make sure you had sufficiently prepared yourself for the next 8-10 weeks of the most. Dramatic. Season. Ever.

Here’s how ABC describes the “unorthodox” first episode shenanigans:

The two stunning women will stand side by side as the limos roll up and 25 handsome men try their best to leave a lasting impression, but in a shocking twist, they’ll also be casting their votes to determine which one of these lovely ladies they will all be competing for over the course of the season.

I hate this so much. This is not completely unprecedented – they did something similar on a season of The Bachelor eons ago before they started cannibalizing previous seasons for contestants, but I didn’t watch that season. I just think it’s so stupid and I think that both Kaitlyn and Britt (but mostly Kaitlyn) deserve better.

As a refresher, here are the lucky ladies vying to actually be The Bachelorette this season.

635670297711809742-bachelorette

Continue reading

Hey! I was on TV! (Newlyweds: The First Year)

My best friend Nadine Jolie Courtney and her husband were followed around by Bravo for a year being filmed for the 2nd season of Newlyweds: The First Year and I made the cut! I had the distinct honor of standing by her side as she married a great guy and was so excited to be able to toast to their love and happiness.

I’m not going to lie, being on TV was a little weird, but still sort of cool! And it’s definitely fun to see the ways that the magic of reality show editing create a whole new “reality”.

Here is a full transcript of my toast:

The first time I met Nadine, almost 15 years ago when we were both interns at FHM in New York, she had just broken up with her college boyfriend. We spent a whole summer sitting in a closet together, sorting through men’s grooming products and watching Mandy Moore on MTV. Despite all the fun we had that summer, it wasn’t until she moved out to LA 6 years ago that I truly understood how deep our friendship ran. Nadine is the most sparkly person I know. She is smart and funny and talented and loyal and the goofiest dancer on the planet. She is also my most travelled and up-for-anything friend so I wasn’t even remotely surprised when she called me up in March to ask me to vet a new guy she was dating before they went on their third date together – in JAPAN!

Throughout the years Nadine went through her bad boy phase and her good boy phase and her “hey, you’re a boy” phase, but it wasn’t until she met Erik that she went through her right boy phase. I may have approached that first phone call with him skeptically, but Erik’s sincerity, passion and excitement about my friend made it easy to see why she was so willing to travel across the world with him. Getting to know him this year and watching my best friend truly fall in love has been amazing.

I spend a lot of time reading the internet at work and I came across a quote from a 4-year-old who was asked about love. He said “When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” I love this so much. And it makes me think of Nadine and Erik. When Nadine fell in love with Erik, literally the moment she told me they were all in, her smile changed. Nadine has never been what people would call an unhappy person, but I have known her for almost 15 years, and I have never seen her smile the way she started smiling when she met Erik. It was as if she knew that her name would be safe in his mouth.

(Thanks to Nadine for providing me with the footage)